Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
