Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
