Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
