Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
