I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
