Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
