At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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