therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
