I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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