dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
