I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
