Jerry, you need to find god
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
