My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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