Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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