Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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