That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
