if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
