Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
