Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Please don't give away my fajitas
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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