he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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