So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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