hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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