yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
