His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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