Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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