That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
