Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
