I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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