I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
