I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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