I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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