My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
