You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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