His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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