And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
