triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize