About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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