I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
