I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
