He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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