"it" just moved
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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