12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
