He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think people are normalizing furries
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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