Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
