I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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