I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
