Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
