Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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