I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
