nut hugger
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
