i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
