I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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