i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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