Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
