I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
