I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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