Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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