drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
