i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
