I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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