Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
