Soap is not a condiment
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
