Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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