Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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