Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
