ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
