he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize