his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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