I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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