Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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