You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
