Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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