"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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