no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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