This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am available for nakedness
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
