I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it glows. i had to have it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
