Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
