I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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