My sheets look like a crime scene.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
