If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
